Sunday, August 23, 2009


...turn and face the strange.

Ok, ok, so it's been a looong time, way too long. I got into one of those, "there are so many other things that I should be doing that I'm not" funks. And yes, too much time on facebook, that thing is such a time suck!

Anyway, I have some posts of substance that have been rattling around in my head for a while, but I figure after such a great lapse I should do some sort of an update, "look how much has been going on, aren't I excused for my inactivity?" sort of post.

So this summer I have decided to go for a new record, how many things can I change about my life in one season.

Yesterday I realized that these are the only major changes I have NOT made this summer:
1) I am not moving out of the state/country
2) I am not having a baby
3) I am not starting school

Things I HAVE changed, or that have changed, this summer -- with explanations to follow.

1) After two years together and almost a year living together, Rachel and I broke up.
2) I cut all of the hair off of one side of my head, and half of it off of the other.
3) I started seeing a counselor.
4) I am hoping to receive an offer for a new job in the coming days.
5) I am moving across the river to Somerville with a very good friend.
6) I will become a step mother for a very cute puppy who lives in my new apartment.

I know 6 things doesn't sound like that much, but to me it seems like a lot. And aside from my hair and the counseling, all of these things are manifesting themselves in really huge ways in the next 2 weeks.

1) I don't really feel like sharing too much about this on a public forum. It was really hard, and heartbreaking, but the right thing for both of us. We broke up in early June and have been living together since. This was my first real long term relationship (I had made it a year before but she had been cheating on me the whole time and we kept "breaking up" but not being able to make it stick). Rachel is the first girlfriend? partner? I ever lived with. So consequently it's my first major break-up and period of adjustment.

It seems like there are a few ways the immediate post-breakup period can go. One of the two can immediately move out and rely on their friends while they figure out what to do. The couple can live together in a strained and steely silence that occasionally explodes into anger or violence. Or they can continue living together in a fashion very similar to before but somehow different, not friends yet, but also no longer a couple.

Rachel and I fell into the last category. We still love each other, I don't think a lack of love is what drove our breakup. So we've continued with most of the same love and affection we've always had but with changes, sometimes strained. Thankfully we live in a 2.5 bedroom house so Rachel was able to move into her office where, conveniently, a futon was already located. I don't think I can process this anymore. We're only living together for one more week, well two, but I'll be in Mexico for one of them. It's going to be very hard to leave, it's going to feel like we're breaking up all over again. But this limbo period can't keep going, the strain would eventually become too much. I'm hopeful for our future friendship.

Apparently I did have a bit to say about that.

2) I always do this, I'm such a ritualistic person. Breakup ----> cut hair. This being my biggest relationship I went for a drastic cut. For years I had been obsessing about Sara's cut from Cycle 6 of ANTM. She hated the cut, but I thought it was awesome. You can kind of see it in this picture:

It's super short on the sides but long on the top. I had been thinking that maybe this was my time to go for it, but I forgot the photo so I figured, maybe next time. But when I was waiting in the salon I found a very similar cut in one of the books and figured I would go for it. My stylist (who I love and trust) decided to use it as a jumping off point but go asymmetrical with it instead. I was really nervous about how different it was at first, but I've had it for a couple months now and I have totally adjusted and love it!

3) I realized that with my awesome health insurance, counseling was only a $10 co-payment away. I love it, I'm going to run the risk of sounding too much like a Dar song if I keep going, so I guess I should just quote it instead: "And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think, that it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink. But oh how I loved everybody else when I finally got to talk so much about myself." I started going to discuss my relationship with Rachel, and that has continued to be a topic, but there's a lot more to talk about too. I have a ridiculous urge to put a smiley face here.

4) I don't like to be too public about people or jobs I'm interested in. The less people that know, the less you have to feel the pain when you're asked how it's going and you have to let them know {insert name here} wasn't as interested in you as you thought. But I am constantly shooting myself in the foot on this point -- every time it happens I vow that next time I'm going to keep my mouth shut. But then I get so hopeful, and so excited, and I can't contain it. So, running the risk that this may blow up in my face (when the 5 people who read this blog and don't already know ask me):

I have gone on two interviews for a position as a Developmental Specialist -- home visiting children 1 to 3. I think it would be a perfect job for me and I am really excited at the prospect. They seem to be genuinely interested in hiring me and are only waiting to hear back from the Department of Public Health to see if I qualify as an "education person". The government red tape pisses me off sometimes. It doesn't matter to them that I have been working in education for over 5 years, all they care about is if I took enough education courses in college -- as if that is where my real qualifications are coming from! Anyway, I'm really hopeful that I'll hear back soon (but in the meantime don't ask me about it).

5) I had been hoping to find a place to move into for mid-July, then August 1st, then August 15th. But I was really lazy about it. Despite the fact that I had to get up at 6 in the morning in order to make the hour and change commute to Somerville, I just kept dragging my feet. I couldn't figure out why I could not get myself to really look for a place. Now I know, it was the fates (or, yes mom, my guardian angle) working to make things fit correctly into place.

Two weeks ago, I found out from the one place I had actually seen that they went with someone else. Then I went to see another place. I walked around, noting the low basement ceiling, the pipes, the small windows opening to courtyards, the bedroom converted into a living room. I felt like I was in a college dorm, a quirky and kind of cool college dorm, but still. I started negotiating with myself -- Melanie, you've waited too long, I don't know if you can afford to be picky, you NEED to move by September 1st and we're getting close... I left, and on my way home I noticed I had missed a call from a good friend.

She let me know, 1) that she had been diagnosed with MS, 2) that her wedding (a little more than a month away) was off and 3) if I would like to move in with her. It is possible that she is experiencing more changes than me right now, just maybe! It all came together, this is the right place for me to be, and the right time. Yes Mom, it had to have been God, or fate, or interconnections -- some sort of energy flow between everything. And then, to top it all off, earlier this week Rachel confirmed that she found a new roommate to move in September 1st -- perfect.

6) This just occurred to me yesterday when I was talking to a friend about all these changes, I said, well, I'm not having a baby, or getting a dog, but then I realized. Yes, my friend is the proud momma of a Boston Terrier. I'm looking forward to having a puppy in my life, especially now that he is not a puppy anymore and has calmed down a lot.

Ok! That was a lot. Am I forgiven? I think we need to make a pact. Each of us need to pledge to do at least one short post per month -- then we'll have at least four posts in a month. I know I led us into our current demise but I am going to try really hard. Are you with me??


  1. Re: #1
    I'm hopeful we can retain our friendship as well lady :-)


    Re: #5
    I wasn't aware you were waking up at 6am... what were you doing in bed until 7am when you'd *actually* get up? ;-9


  2. You are forgiven. I new a monster blog post was coming, I could just FEEL it. And now I shall quote from AMGD who quotes from .38 Special "Hold on loosely, but don't let go." So it's ok if you go away for a while, as long as you come back ;)

    Hope you're having fun in Mexico with your family. Call me when you get back!!

  3. Hey Mel! Love your post, and I most love you. Let us know how we can help you with these awesome changes!! I can be a really great cheer leader. Sorry about not keeping in better touch! I will try my best to keep up. I am jealous of your mexican vaca....wish I was there... when you have a moment I would love to chat.L

  4. Oh yeah! We almost have the same style!! Great taste...mine is also side is bob and the other a mullet (yes, a mullet) on the right side, party on the left! Ha

  5. Lei, you want a Mexican cow???!! Next year for your birthday we'll do a Heifer Proyecto Internacional for ya, just like in 5th grade.

  6. Haha...if you want, we can sponsor a cow! P- are you in town? Why won't you call me? Surfing and tea, remember?