Ashes

I've moved away from Catholicism.  I believe I'm the only one of us who intentionally has.  My mom sees the Advengineer at Mass sometimes, I think Ninja is an occasional church goer, and AMDG, well I guess the answer is in the name.  Funny, since I, the youth ministry leader and church lector (the person who stands in front of the congregation and reads the day's reading) was probably the most involved and fervently devoted of us all.

I still go to Mass with my mom and my lita when I'm home in OC.  They like having me come, and I like singing.  I don't say the prayers out loud - even though they run through my mind - years of training, it never goes away.  When the time for communion comes I walk up to the front, cross my arms on my chest and lower my head, then I'm given the non-communion blessing.  That's generally as far as my Catholicism goes these days.

I continued to attend weekly Mass during my first year and a half of college.  After that point I found myself unable to reconcile the way the Church - through the Vatican, chooses to approach homosexuality.  I could no longer be a good faith member of a church that, at its core, is unable to fully accept me and my lifestyle.  I may be wrong in that decision, and maybe I'll reevaluate at some point, but for now, this is where I am.

The other day one of my many Catholic students (I'm an after-school teacher at a public school) pointed out to me that it was Ash Wednesday, I wouldn't have even realized if she hadn't said anything.  I loved Ash Wednesday and the lenten season when I was a kid.  When I had bangs I used to sculpt then specially - a side wave, so that you could still see the ashes beneath.  Then I would be really careful to make sure that I didn't disturb them so the mark would stay as long as possible.  I also liked giving something up, it was a challenge, the temptation to cheat always there but the desire to make it always a little stronger.  Then to end it all is Palm Sunday - you get a palm and weave it into a cross - fun, you think about how next year these will be the ashes on your forehead - cool.  I always made sure to wear sandals to Palm Sunday Mass.  That was when the priest would go around the church and wash a select few peoples' feet, the way Jesus had washed the feet of the apostles.  I always wanted to be chosen - I never was. 

There is something about the lenten season that still appeals to me.  I know the whole idea of "giving something up" during lent is to help you reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us and bring you closer to God.  That's not really the part that I am interested in.  I like the idea of looking at your life and evaluating where something needs to or should be changed - something you indulge in too much, something you don't do enough, and then dedicating to making that change for 40 days.  It's like New Year's Resolution Plus, because you make a commitment to change but you make the commitment to God, so you have more motivation to see it through.  I think I'll "sacrifice" something this year, my first time since Lent 2001.  I'll let you know when I decide what.

So ladies, how about you?  What's your lenten sacrifice?

Why SMCHS Still Affects My Life

This is going to be an ongoing post for me, and I welcome any feedback or suggestions:

These are just some of the reasons Why SMCHS Still Affects My Life:

1. I have to resist the daily urge to wear a ribbon in my hair
2. The name of my dream band would be The Sue Mills Sluts
3. I still plan outfits for events weeks ahead of time because I am scarred from being forced to wear uniforms every day and then having to scramble to find an acceptable outfit for 'free dress' days
4. I think it's weird that they let the boys at the high school where my boyfriend teaches have facial hair
5. AMDG absolutely refuses to even consider talking about going to our 10 year reunion next summer
6. I can still maneuver through an entire day in a skirt/dress and NOT flash my underwear

To be continued...

Details

Okay, time for some reader feedback -- I know you're out there and you're reading so let us know what you think.  

If you've visited before you noticed I've made some changes, I enjoy reading pages with a background color -- not white -- what do you think?  How about the other color changes?

Do you think we should make any other changes or additions?  More information in the sidebar?  Less information in the sidebar?  

And finally, what do you think of my nickname?  Kid Krusader?  Is it as boring as I fear it may be?  Anyone have any ideas?  Read my profile for more info on me and suggest a better name.  5 points to the person who comes up with the best suggestion -- I'm such a teacher.  No one got any points last time because AMDG announced what her name meant before anyone had a chance to respond.

The story of Us - by Kid

I'm gonna see if I can do this as one post, but we all know my ability to run at the mouth, so we'll see.

The Advengineer is the first of the group that I met, as she stated earlier we actually met at Rancho Santa Margarita Intermediate School  - Go Roadrunners, err something.  I can't remember when I first heard about Leilani but I remember why.  There was a boy at our school whose last name was Leilani, and I remember thinking - if they get married she'll be Leilani Leilani.  

We eventually met through Fawn, I know I have some pictures of Lei from jr. high, and I had actually forgotten that she was friends with Christin.  But in my memory we continued on a track of being more like acquaintances until our confirmation retreat sophomore year.  Leilani was a fellow member of San Francisco Solano, the Catholic church that was actually part of our high school campus.  (AMDG and Ninja both attend/ed some other church). And sophomore year all us good little parishioners were shipped out to the woods to prepare ourselves to be committed adult Catholics.

Lei was in the same room as me, confirmation retreat may sound terribly tedious but I remember having a lot of fun.  We played foozeball (how do you spell that?) and went on nature hikes, and to my memory we were generally rowdy and silly after we were supposed to be in bed.  Yes, we also had sessions where we talked about God and making positive life choices for ourselves and such, but most talks started with an entertaining skit.  Okay, I might be biased, I was a confirmation leader my junior year and I also might have been a co-director my senior.  But, well, at least I thought it was fun.  Lei?

Anyway, I left the weekend having met the first boy who would ask me on a date (oh the religious "meet markets" do work as intended) and feeling that Leilani and I had firmly moved into friendship.  Fun, sweet and super cool snowboarder and surfer -- what's not to love? I still have a little note that she wrote to me and drew a cute snowboarder girl on (I save everything).

Now Ninja, I met her after Lei but we were friends before Lei and I were really friends.  Linds and I met at the end of summer right before high school was about to begin -- at band camp, yes, that's right.  Linds and I were bandos together and that pretty much sealed our friendship for life- Bandos 4ever.  Linds played the tenor sax and I played the bassoon.  I remember that my hair was still growing out from the pixie cut I had in jr. high.  I was soo nervous about meeting new people at my school -- I asked my mom to force all of my short little hairs into a tight, tight little bun.  I believe the result of this is that when I met Linds for the second time, on the first day of school or maybe at freshman orientation, she didn't recognize me because my hair was down and my eyes weren't pulled back by the tightness of the bun.  

I can't remember when we started spending substantial time together outside of band, but bando time was substantial enough.  We both had wind ensemble together during school, marching band rehearsal after school and eventually football games every Friday night.  Even though I didn't have to go to the away games because I played the bassoon and it was not a pep-band instrument - yes, of course it's not a marching band instrument either but our director, "Doc", insisted that I play, sitting on a chair, at the front of the group - uggh.  Anyway, I didn't have to go to the away games but I did anyway because I was super cool.  Lindsay was actually cool, there was this really cute drummer - Steve, he was a senior, and he totally liked Linds.  But I think it eventually ended because her parents didn't want her dating a senior, or dating at all?

Eventually all us girls, the bando girls, the bio girls, the swimmer girls and all the girls in-between became a little group of friends and extended friends, and we ate lunch together.  Where we ate lunch switched every year, but it was always somewhere in the sun, on the ground (this is surely a strange idea to all you east coasters - lunch was always outside, the "cafeteria" was just a huge open air awning with tables underneath, we only ate indoors when it was raining).  Senior year we actually started sitting at one of the cafeteria tables (did we call it the cafeteria?) but we still sat on the ground in the sun sometimes too.  We were really good girls, my brother still marvels at how "good" my friends and I were in high school.

Now somewhere in here came AMDG, but for some reason I don't have a distinct memory of meeting her.  Do you?  P was one of the swimmers, and ate with us sometimes senior year, she was friends with my friends and that's how we met.  I know I was invited to her Christmas party senior year.  I remember because I insisted I was okay to go even though I had a heart procedure preformed on me the day before.  I proceeded to fall asleep immediately and was driven home by my boyfriend.

My first real distinct memories of P don't come until after we graduated.  The summer we all really drank for the first time.  Oh man, that was a bad summer for me.  Anyway, at some point after high school we became a solidified group.  We began regularly e-mailing each other, visiting each other at college, spending breaks together.  Then we all got stars tattooed on our feet, along with three other lovely SM girls who have now largely dropped off our radars.  But we still remain - the four :).

This is why people have kids :)

Hi again.

So if you want to see something funny, go to You Tube and search "Kid on Drugs" posted by christiquinn. Trust me, it's totally not what it seems like. Apparently, parents think it's funny to videotape their kids on drugs after getting a tooth pulled. I agree with them. It's soooo funny. I can't wait until I have kids. That's when I'm gonna get me a videa camera!

I wonder what drugs he was on?

(Note from the editor.  This video was marginally hard to find.  Here is the link, it's called "David after the dentist", but it's the same thing.)

This is what my email would have said to you had I written an email today

Hi friends.

How long ago did we start this blog? Like a week or so, right? And how long did it take me to forget my password? Yup, exactly that length of time.

But give me a break--I have 6 midterms in two weeks and a project due the week after exams end. And I would much rather read your posts than study, so keep them up. I am very much looking forward to reading about how I met Avengineer. I'm sure she'll say something about me being bitchy, but yes her name was Ms. Smith, and yes she listened to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It's amazing how I absolutely loathed high school chemistry and yet, 90% of my classes are chem classes. Someone has a sense of humor. Somewhere.

Oh, and Kid Krusader, your post was very informative. I had no idea that was the Rick Warren from Saddleback. I try not to associate with Christians, only jaded Catholics.

See you in two + weeks, Ciaooooo.

How I Met You: Part I

I don't like to date myself. So I don't think I will. How we all met was quite awhile ago. Each of us were associated by the extracurricular activities and classes that was high school. I swam on the same club team with AMDG (Go Nads!), I had Chemistry with Ninja Pharmicist (Go Ms. Smith!- was that her name?),and I went to the same junior high with Kid Krusader (Go Road Runners!). Since each story of how I met each of them is unique, I am going to break up this story by post. This is about how I met Kid Krusader.

I didn't meet Kid formally, her reputation (for me) preceded her. For some reason, before I even met her, I was told that she was a human preztel and could put her feet/legs behind her head and that she dated some guy name Tony. That was junior high. What a weird impression to have before meeting someone. I bet she didn't even know I knew that. =) How I really met her was through our mutual friend Fawn (yes, like baby deer). I think they were in the band together. I knew Fawn through other friends in my classes. In high school Kid was in a program called Integrated. She was in the program with my BFF from elementary school, Christin. What a small world! Nothing too interesting about our meet. She was a really nice person...who all the boys wanted to date!

And in a nutshell, that is how I met Kid Krusader. Next week...